Tdsnapshots

Last night I took a walk down to waterfront on the East River to watch the sunset over the Manhattan skyline. It’s one of my favorite things to do in the city, and since the warmer days are dwindling I thought this would be a good way to sit and enjoy the sunshine and warmth while I can.

My intentions were clear to watch a beautiful sunset. Unaware of how dramatic I can be at times I found myself sitting on a rock on the edge of tears as the golden hour sunlight reflected off the cities buildings. I have almost been in New York City for two years now and I realized most days I take living here for granted.

I remember dreaming about living in the city while I was in college. I remember coming up to the city for an internship going into my junior year of college. I didn’t come for the internship (although it was an amazing experience I am grateful for) I came to experience the city. After 3 short summer months in the city my heart sank the day I had to hop on a plane back to school in Florida. I remember looking out the window of my uber and up at the skyscraper buildings, inhaled a deep breathe, and let a tear stroll down my cheek (again dramatic). “Only two more years until I can live here full time and then leaving won’t have to be an option,” I told myself internally.

Fast forward 3 years later and my dream of living in NYC turned into a reality. Except my reality overcame my dream and eventually my dream became mundane. The wonder I once had to explore this city slowly started to diminish. My camera roll once filled with pictures of the city, slowly started to decrease and most importantly I let my current circumstances become an hindrance on why I wanted to live in New York City to begin with.

Ever since graduating college I’ve struggled with the whole what am I going to do for a living aspect of life (which is very important might I add). I saw all my friends go off to do great things, but not just great things, things they enjoyed doing, things they were passionate about. However, I wasn’t one of those lucky people that just instantly knew what they wanted to do. I never had a passion for one specific thing, so finding a job became extra difficult for me.

I graduated college in May of 2018, unaware of what I wanted to do in my life, I packed up all my belongings and moved to New York City. Because even though everything else in my life was unknown, the only thing I did know was that I wanted to live in the greatest city in the world. I didn’t have a job before I left, and I certainly didn’t know anyone that lived in the city. Unless you count the few connections I made during my internships, but I had no solid friendships. My mentality was everything will fall into place and be perfect because I’ll be living where I want to be. Wow, was I naive.

After months, well I guess years of trying to find a job I liked it has become a huge stressor in my life. I’ve taken my focus off just wanting to live in New York, to having expectations about a job that is important for financial reasons, but has nothing to do with the fact of why I moved to New York City in the first place.

So last night, I sat on the edge of the river and got caught in a real life debacle. My final conclusions are that I take living in the city for granted. I took my dream for granted worrying about other things. I lost a little piece of myself along the way, but I am ready to fall back in love with this city again. Except this time I never want to lose the wonder I once had.

For you, my hope is that you find the wonder where you are placed at in life. Even though things may not be adding up, even though you may not be where you want to be in life. Life finds a way to drive us crazy and we will become just that if we focus on what we don’t have. So focus on what you do have. Today I chose to focus on the fact that I am living my dream. Don’t lose sight of what lies ahead of you or else you will miss out on some of the greatest days in your life. Focus on the now. Focus on what makes you happy. Go live YOUR dream.

NYC, I love you.

X Tay